3 Things NOT To Do When Setting Boundaries

Written by Monique Jordan-Cave

Leadership and Holistic Coach

Boundaries 101

Hello, magical human,

Boundaries – the dirty B word!

I’ve said it time and time again “No is a whole sentence, thank you very much”!

But, I know, at times, it isn’t that simple.

When you think of saying no, you feel your spirit jump off the side of a cliff.

And saying yes, leaves you feeling drained and prevents you from taking care of yourself, managing your team and having the energy to handle your boss.

Do NOT Do This When Setting Boundaries

1. Thinking You Are Done Once You’ve Said No

You’ve asked Ian to change the way he interacts with you and you think you are done.

Awww, that’s so sweet.

Let’s say your boss, Ian, is out of line in a meeting.

You wait until the meeting is over and ask him not to speak to you that way again.

That’s a request.

It’s important and brave to communicate this but, its only part of the process.

A boundary is about managing YOUR behaviour.

You need a plan for what you are going to do to keep yourself safe and healthy if he crosses that boundary, again.

Make sense?

You are thinking what you would do or how you would react to someone asked you not to do something.

You would respect it.

No no no soul leader.

They are not us!

Sometimes people need an extra barrier.

So you have to have a plan for when they push back.

And that is YOUR CONSISTENCY with repeating your boundaries.

2. Focusing On Trying To Change Their Behaviour

Yes, you want them to stop doing something.

You’re setting this boundary to get them to stop.

But that isn’t how it always works.

When you start focusing on changing someone else’s behaviour as your goal.

You are stepping out of what you can control.

This will leave you feeling helpless.

Boundaries are not about feeling helpless, it’s about feeling empowered and taking back what you can control – which is your behaviour and choices.

Because you can’t control what other people do!

Boundaries can be challenging for most of us.

And when you finally gather the courage to set them, we can sometimes fall short.

If you’re struggling to set boundaries and need some help to empower you to take control of your career and life.

Click here to access my free Let’s Talk Boundaries Masterclass plus Digital Workbook!

3. Not Expecting To Upset People

It’s going to happen.

Period.

One of the most common reasons for not setting boundaries is a fear of conflict.

It’s not in your heart to upset people.

And your soul will leave your vessel for the feeling you’ve “let people down”.

So it feels easier to sacrifice your own needs and wants to keep the peace.

So here’s the uncomfortable part… Ready???

Once you start putting your foot down, some people will respond badly.

Those people in your life, that get their back up, once you start saying no and treating yourself better…

are the very people who have been benefiting from your lack of boundaries…

So they don’t want you to change.

Selfish of them, huh?!

When you meet with resistance, try this:

👉 Remember how YOU will FEEL afterwards?

If you don’t choose yourself, how will you feel today, tomorrow or next week?

You can't fill from an empty cup.

We all know that!

Yet at the same time, we feel guilty when we prioritise ourselves.

So the next time you feel bad about saying no to someone, remember…

Setting boundaries helps you protect your time, emotional & spiritual energy and increase your self-esteem.

Did you take advantage of my FREE Let’s Talk Boundaries Masterclass plus Workbook?

Don’t forget to download here.

The workbook, it’s fully digital so you can type straight into it and follow along with the masterclass.

Let me know in the comments below.

Over to you!

MJx

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