How to Put Yourself First, Without Feeling Selfish
Written by Monique Jordan-Cave
Leadership and Holistic Coach
How to Put Yourself First, Without The Stress!
Hello, magical human,
Now be honest.
Do you feel a little icky when you put yourself first?
I get it, it is totally natural.
It’s in our nature to nurture and take care of others.
Because, here’s the sad thing.
You are more than aware that you are not prioritising what’s important to you.
You even know, in that moment, when you are doing something you don’t want to do.
And in those moments, you have complete clarity over what you want to be doing instead.
So if you are not making a habit of making yourself a priority, and not treating yourself as the most important person in your life?
Why not?
And whilst you are busy taking care of everybody else…
Who is taking care of you?
Imagine, you have a sore tooth.
Your head is pounding, you can’t smile, eat or drink properly and speaking (your favourite pastime) is no longer fun but super painful.
You are going to prioritise AND find the time, over everything else, to run to the dentist and to get it fixed.
Right?
It wouldn’t matter what your friends were doing or that you needed to talk Emma down from (another never-ending) complicated personal drama.
You would tell your friends no and you would tell Emma to figure it out!
So, why do we have to be in physical pain before we take what we want to do or what we need seriously?
Doesn’t it sound crazy when you hear it like that.
So here’s some truth.
It does cause you pain, just in a different way.
It causes major disruptions in your entire body and soul.
Your heart breaks because it didn’t get to do what it really wanted to do.
EMOTIONAL PAIN!
Your heart then engages in a major discussion with your brain. Your brain gets confused between what you chose to do and what you should have done.
MENTAL ANGUISH!
Your brain sends more out-of-whack signals to your heart.
Your heart can’t deal with all of this right now so pumps guilt into your stomach.
WHICH MAKES YOU FEEL SICK!
Your gut puffs up its chest and tells your brain…
“Look here, I’m tired of this sh*t. Next time, say what I told you in the first place, because now, you look, feel and are thinking like a hot mess”.
At this point, your brain has completely disengaged and already sent your body to the sofa (with snacks) and you’re watching The Equalizer series on autopilot!
All because you WANTED to go to yoga class, you wanted to visit the farmers market, you wanted to go to an exhibition but, you DECIDED to prioritise others' needs and wants, over yours.
Not making time for what is most important to you causes you emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
FACT!
Kinda wish you had a toothache now, huh?
If you truly wish to explore what it would look like to honestly put yourself first.
Instead of asking yourself how do I put myself first, without feeling selfish?
I want you to ask yourself…
Why does what I want and need, make me feel guilty?
Life isn’t just about surviving.
It’s about living each day in alignment with your purpose and legacy.
You deserve to feel fulfilled, whole and abundant.
Allow yourself space to make decisions that give you energy, raise your vibration and keep you elevated.
👉 What do YOU want?
👉 Who do YOU want to be?
👉 What does YOUR ideal day look like?
👉 Who do YOU want to spend time with?
👉 What lights YOU up and sets YOUR soul on fire?
That’s what you should be doing.
I’m not saying that you have to abandon your career, friends and family.
It’s just a case of learning to find the right balance between:
What’s most important to you
vs
What’s most important to them
If others disapprove, don’t like your decisions or attempt to talk you out of what you want to do.
That is them prioritising their wants and emotional needs over yours.
Only other people benefit from you not setting boundaries!
Are you okay with that?
If you are struggling to set boundaries, click here to access my FREE Let’s Talk Boundaries Masterclass plus Digital Workbook. It will help you identify, effectively communicate and action them time after time – without feeling guilty!
2. Make Time!
Do not tell me that you don’t HAVE the time.
Remember that toothache?
Carve time in your calendar and go do it!
What do you want to do?
What date?
What time?
How long for?
Is it easy to tune out the noise and not let what others say define or distract you?
No. 🤷🏾♀️
It took a while to get here it’s going to take practice to get out.
But let’s decide to make a start.
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but once you get over mental hurdles that lead you to feel bad about treating yourself as the most important person in your life.
Things are going to change.
Dramatically!
You’ll start to approach everything you do from a place of wholeness, not separation.
You’ll create a mindset that makes it inevitable for you to succeed and you will experience a lot more joy and motivation.
Know this…
You can still MAKE TIME to help the people that mean the most to you.
Just don’t PRIORITISE others over you, all the time!
Nobody gets to live your life except you!
You are in control of your decisions and actions.
Why does what you want and need, make you feel guilty?
Let me know in the comments below.
Over to you!
MJx
Please feel free to share this article with a loved one, friend or colleague.
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